So what I am is what is left is what I am
A shaken sham, shamed shame-shaman
The wreckage of trauma cleared
Broken burned charcoaled churned
Avoid - a void with which to build
Always filled with anger, fear & words
Substance systematically spurned
No tears to wash the sleep
From my early morning eyes
Charcoal-calling child at 4:30
Dirty, burned and blistered hands
Now healed - seven thirty now
No drive to dominate or cower
Trapping telling tall tell-tails
Bravado brothers blazing
Violet violence violates - I now pass!
Quid est veritas?!
So what I am is what is left
A shaken sham, shamed shame-shaman
The wreckage of trauma
Broken burned charcoaled churned
Avoid - a void with which to build
No longer filled with anger, fear & words
Substance no longer spurned
I have a new creation myth
An arc in which I can renew
Filtering out dualist lies - two by... two by two
But what am I becoming - no pattern
No guide, just this filled up void inside
No beat, rhythm nor tune no lies
There is nothing in the silence
Nothing in the feelings or the words
Two generations from oblivion
Neo-nihilism‘s calling heard!?
So what I am is what I’m building
A slimed down version of my history
Green - fruitful - well watered
Planted firm green leaves shimmering in the breeze
No longer on my knees but standing arms held high
Filled with awe and love
I’ve removed the glove that stopped me feeling - I think I’m healing
So it comes down to this
Without God I can’t feel blessed
Without His blessing it’s all a con
With faith all gone there is only
A baled monkey, thinking accidentally
No special you, no special me
No meaning in being or eternity
No eternal me just an urgency to connect and feel
Invest in what is real - in family
Make time work for me
So what I will do with what is left
I will believe in my hybrid theory
Not double-minded hypocrisy
A reconciliation of spirit and DNA
No more thinking and shrinking from the Now
The world is not how I want it to be
But the time I have WILL work for me!
(c) Cosmic Gorilla 2018
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